Thursday, December 01, 2005

Three's an Unseemly Crowd

While Christ-loving Christians are feeling threatened that Christmas is under attack by a secular and liberal crowd of base heathens, an interesting little blurb popped up in Balimore's Jesuit-run Loyola College. Two students participated in a school project of mural painting in residence halls. Joe Labella and Cassandra Fields created what appears to be a fairly innocuous mural of three callia lillies. Lovely, serene picture people might even say. So far, so good.

However, they unwittingly stepped into it when they gave name to the painting. The artists titled it "Threesome." Remember, Loyola is run by Jesuits and this title has caused the Rev. Martin O'Malley "concern." You see, the word "threesome" conjures up some rather unwholesome thoughts for the good Reverend. Thoughts by which he would rather not be led to temptation. But he also seems worked by the fact that the rendering looks too inspired by O'Keefe's genitalia-as-flowers paintings and, by God, there will none of that at Loyala College! He is says,
In the vocabulary of art, large flowers can be very symbolic of the female genitalia, and that's offensive.
Now, I'd like to say I know better, but I swear I just read that females are offensive, which is not a new stance for the Catholic church. In the same breath and with the same words, the Reverend also appears to condemn wonderous Mother Nature, so offensive is her craftsmanship of blossoms.

All of which leads me to wonder what the Reverend might do when strolling about in a park and suddenly comes upon a pack of pagan pansies, something he must surely consider an offense to his finely honed, churchly sensibilities?

It is astounding what some people will trouble themselves with. Do deeply held beliefs in Christ and God make people this fucking weird? What am I saying? Of course it does and the evidence for this is pretty clear. Somehow, I suspect that Jesus probably wouldn't fret about such nonsense.


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