Monday, April 03, 2006

The Dope in God's Eye

The existence of creationists continues to provide the only real evidence that natural selection is no longer governing the evolution of the human species. It is not simply that they argue from a position of ignorance about the known evidence for evolution, but that they do so actively -- vigourously -- and implore any number of explanatory "theories" of life excepting, of course, the most obvious. Indeed, one wonders whether they even try to tie their own shoes in the morning without imploring divine intervention.

I've got to hand it to John McKay at archy for his rather lengthy rebuke of yet another biblical literalist and obvious conspiracy theorist, a fellow by the name David Wozney, who has come to imagine that the entire fossil record of dinosaurs is one enormous hoax perpetrated by the fascists of some supposed "dinosaur industry." According to Mr. Wozney, an evil cabal of dinosaurists have been creating the international dinosaur industry by planting the fake bones of bizarre creatures all over the global, a scam that first began to percolate in the mid-nineteenth century in effort to ... take over the museum business? I know you think I must be making this up. But I assure you, I am not.

This is at least the fourth creationist "theory" I've now seen regarding the provenance of dinosaurs, creatures that have continually proved themselves more than embarassing to many a biblical literalist (unless, of course, they're really devout biblical literalists, because nothing phases those folks).

First, there was the Adam and Eve unleashed God's wrath with the Original Sin theory, which claimed that at least part of the unleashed, godly wrath manifest itself in the form of dinosaurs, T-Rex to be specific. Then I heard one that claimed Satan himself was planting these devilish fossils about the global in effort to cause mankind to doubt God's word. Then there was the one claiming that, no wait! it wasn't the Devil but God who was the one planting the dastardly skulls and bones as a test of man's faith in His Almightiness.

At this point, if you aren't completely confused by the notion that either the Devil or God planted the fossils and did so in an effort to create exactly the same effect, you must then further consider the equally plausible notion that Satan and God actually teamed up, covering more territory, you see, since, obviously, they are both conducting the same test. That such a heaven-and-hell collaboration occurred in this big fossil-planting plan seems obvious to me.

But now we have Mr. Wozney throwing all that sparkling logic completely out the window with his claims of a centuries-long, international, dinosaur conspiracy of human origins. This may now completely invalidate the careful considerations of scores of God-fearing biblical literalists around the country. Indeed, the Museum of Creation in Kentucky is going to have to rethink their entire creationist theory.

And let's not forget, these are the very same people who love to claim that evolution has holes.


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